A.N. | Insomnia thoughts
Damn. My chronic sleepiness turning into insomnia caught off guard. It shouldn't have, but it did. It's not like I'm unfamiliar with it, but--wow. Truly wasn't expecting this turn of events.
As I lay awake, waiting to feel any tug of the eyelids, I can't help but think think think. It's what I do best. So many mental blog posts written, so much negative self-talk spilled. I'm usually pretty bad at shutting it off when I'm trying to sleep, that's why I have to read until I can't keep my eyes open. Media is the thing that stops me from berating myself at night... But alas, it hasn't worked for the past couple of nights. To make matters worse, I'm not even particularly obsessed with my current readings. DNF'd a bunch of books.
Crap.
Also... I may want to break up not only with my SO but also with a couple of friends. Idk where this urge is coming from. Definitely never had that towards friends. Some say it might just be clinical depression, but how can we sure?
Haven't written any fiction in the past week... I hope I don't lose this spark again.
What else? Hm. I have a bit of a photo dump prepared. I'm on my Palma now so I'm not posting them now, but soon. Some snapshots of the past few weeks.
I'm going back home next Thursday and... I don't know how I feel about that. I miss my cats dearly. But other than that, I feel detached. That might be the meds speaking, dampening the feels. Idk.
I miss who I used to be, even if I was still a girl with dysthimia brute-forcing her way through life. At least I was functional. Now, not even that.
I wish I had cute and fun stuff to post here. I hate being this blogger just parroting the same stuff out of a bottomless pit of despair. Sorry abt that, folks.
Hopefully the photo dump is gonna be cute?