Author's Notes
A collection of brief notes that are constantly being stuffed inside this living book.
Author's Notes
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A.N. | Everything is great
My post-COVID brain is working just great, I love it. Working is easy and fun and it brings joy. My body is healthy and free of aches and pains. World politics is a space of reasonable, level-minded individuals. The weather is fine, nothing to worry about. Big Tech is here to help humanity thrive; profit is not the focus. Homelessness is a thing of the past in my country and almost everywhere else; there are no mangy stray dogs or cats in sight. I can bike around without fearing for my life. At night, I'm not afraid of men.
It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is great.
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A. N. | Not Myself
I've been making a real effort to write down difficult emotions. To untangle this ball of feelings into strings of sentences. Verbalize hurt.
So here we go.
I still can't believe what happened in my life. I mean, I know it happened, I know it was real... But I can't believe they happened to me. I remember my first week after Trauma 1 happened. I realized I was super odd, not-myself at my internship job. I remember apologizing to my coworkers. I remember saying "sorry, this isn't really me". It's been almost twenty years since then... And I still feel like I'm not "me". I just realized that. I keep thinking "I miss being myself" and I never understood what that really meant until now. I miss it because I'm not myself anymore, and I guess... I guess I'll never be. I'm something else and I don't recognize myself. I don't like what I am.
I miss being myself.
Reply via email or leave a message on my guestbook.
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A.N. | people's little art on the internet
Sometimes I get this feeling in my chest when I'm looking at people's art on the internet, like I'm about to burst. But it's not big names or artists or anything like that that make me feel this, although I do appreciate their work as well. But not in this case. It's the art of people who are not artists who do it for me. People who are just doing it for fun, or maybe just hobbyists, sharing their little things that look amateur and loved and gorgeous. I feel like I want to reach across the screen and hug them. There's so much whimsy there, and there's so much power in whimsy. Gosh, I love people on the internet sometimes.
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A.N. | bearbloggin'
Paying for a pro account on bearblog makes me want to use all 10 available blog spots and just go crazy with it. I mean, I don't even have enough stuff to write in one singular blog, but that doesn't hinder my crazy ass imagination. Somebody stop me. I must be stopped.
Halp
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A.N. | tabletop gaming session
Today I had a couple friends over to play tabletop games. The night before, of course, I almost called off the whole thing. I love my friends, but I'm exhausted. My social battery has gotten worse with the years. However, I choked out that impulse and they came over. I had a stress migraine halfway through it, had to take my meds, but I'm still glad I didn't cancel. My pregnant friend came over and I hadn't seen her since, well, she got pregnant. The only problem with having girlfriends is that after they have kids they kind of disappear, which is totally understandable I guess. I still miss them though, so I gotta enjoy her while I can.
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A.N. | tumblr is that you??
opened up tumblr yesterday and actually looked at it without xkit or anything and... well, kinda disappointed with the whole thing. but I did have some fun applying a new theme to my blog there. Apparently the last time I did anything with it I was 31 (according to my bio there). I'm 36 now. Five years isn't a lot, but it sure as hell feels like I'm someone different. What a pandemic and a Bolsonazi presidency doesn't do to your braincells amirite
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A.N. | avoiding purchases
I've been purposely avoiding certain yt videos that I'd normally watch: videos about games, desk setups, keyboards, retro gadgets, home decor & renovation. Anything that remotely smells like it could make me want to buy stuff gets tossed out the recommended list. Which basically leaves me with only drag race and the sims content to watch... I think I really need to branch out to non-purchasable entertainment. I wonder what that would look like. (art requires supplies)
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A.N. | fuck up
It's unclear when I changed from the-put-together sister to the utter fuck-up. Like, I didn't even see it happen. Who allowed this. Was it me? Am I the drama? I don't think I'm the drama.
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A.N. | aaaa
I'm so excited with the updates on the blog, specially the status page/blog posts. Finally somewhere to dump text without having to rely on full blown posts or 141 characters from status.café.
Illustrations
- fig. | amo minha agenda
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fig. | living in silent hill?
A friend said I'm staying in Silent Hill bc of the constant mist... What can I say, it's winter here.
I'm a girlie from the tropics and this is pure novelty to me; I enjoy it.
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fig. | I love my Switch
I love my Nintendo Switch! I've never had a console before in my life, let alone a handheld. My family could never afford these things when I was a kid. So I guess that's why I just got into gaming well after my 30s, in the pandemic years, when I had more disposable income... which is also why I suck... but that doesn't stop me from enjoying playing video games on my Switch.
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fig. | alfredo's day (cat pic inside)
Today is Alfredo's day, our youngster who showed up at my husband's apt door on the 12th floor.
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fig. | flagra: leitor lendo
Mds é a primeira vez que eu flagro alguém lendo meu blog ao vivo!
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fig. | te menti, no soy aesthetic
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fig. | vet visit today
Vet visit today. A druggy little Lucifer awakens.
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fig. | lev!
Kicking off the pics section in great style; meet Lev Pontryagin, soviet mathematician and house bully.