Home again
And I'm finally home again. Surrounded by cats, books, trinkets and worries. It's possible I might disappear for the coming weeks; the lack of gigs from the past few months decided to turn into a wave of one freelance work on top of another and now I'm way over my head. That's the curse of freelancing: you can't say no, bc you just don't know where the next income is gonna come from (if at all). I'm half hoping a huge interpreting gig I said yes to doesn't pan out, bc if it does... May the lord have mercy on my soul.
In other news, I got hyperfixated on a piece of media again, got way too invested & managed to hurt my self-esteem along the way. Don't you just love when that happens?! One would ask: but folkmoss, how is that even possible? Aren't hyper fixations a sort of self-soothing strategy for nd people?
Well. If I were honest with myself, I would analyze the hyperfixation-to-self-hate pipeline here. But I'm not gonna do that. Nope. I'm just gonna let it slide and tell you that the big mistake was to create an account on TikTok (for the very first time) to see a specific content I couldn't find anywhere else and bam! Sniper bullet to the gullet.
But see -- this isn't really TikTok's fault. It was one quick swipe that did it, just seeing one random girl in one random video and the skin-deep self-esteem that I have came crashing down spectacularly.
At some point this is a me problem, you know. One random person shouldn't have that kind of power over anyone.
What else... Ah. I forgot to take my meds at the right time today, which means I won't get any sleep and god help me tomorrow. There's a big conference I'm gonna work at until Sunday and I guess I'll just have to snort Ritalin as if it were cocaine or something (don't do drugs, kids).
Stormy days are ahead. I just hope I can pay off all the debt I accumulated since November and be done with it.
I'm getting real tired of this life, folks.