Playlist, pCloud and parents
I'm really into GAKHED's channel recently. I leave it playing on my TV like a chill playlist, and every time I look at the screen I smile. Highly recommend it.
Haven't been able to read consistently lately. I'm dragging to read the last 20% of Carpe Jugulum and I've only read the first few chapters of My Sister the Serial Killer. My subscription to Storytel is ending and I won't be renewing it for now. Money is super tight...
Apparently, I made the crazy purchase of the year I guess: a 500gb lifetime plan on pCloud. They have a sale ongoing now and I've been staring at cloud backup options for months now. Well, pCloud works on both Linux and Windows and it's enough to save the most important stuff.
I'll never financially recover from this. 🥲
I spent the day feeling sick and sorry for myself, in a trance on the couch, half-watching Smosh Mouth and Reddit Stories. I had a mild pain in the back of my head, going down my neck. I did some stretches and very light push ups for a few minutes and it did help a little. I keep forgetting migraines are not only about the headache, but also about feeling lethargic and a bunch of other symptoms. I'm just now remembering that and understanding why I couldn't move from the couch; I thought I was just being lazy.
Oh well, the result is the same. I basically went catatonic for the entire day, and when the clock struck 10pm I felt alive. Fuck.
The philosopher Naomi Smalls does say that life isn't fair, but jfc, I really wish it wouldn't be so fucking hard.
In other news, I've been thinking a lot about my parents lately. I guess it's because my mom's death anniversary is coming in April, and then in June it's my dad's.
I keep thinking I should be over it by now. Mom's passed ten years ago. Dad, thirteen. I'm a grown ass woman with work and a home with a partner and cats. Everyone else is living their life. Life goes fucking on. But why is it that every time I dream about them they're never dead, and I just haven't talked to them in years and I feel so bad for not keeping in touch and I just hug them and it's such a huge fucking relief when I realize they're here to help me out and be that touchstone for me.
And then I wake up, and it takes me a while to realize it was just a dream.